Desert Diaries Part III
Sixth Log
“Tudo dói, menos a graça.”
I woke up jumping off the ground. A cobra slithered between the stones and caused a small landslide, and the sound, which woke me up, immediately brought back the memory of the encounter from the day before. The fright didn’t last long. When I looked around, I realized I was indeed alone. The giant was no longer there. Only the stones, the sand, and that serpent.
The desert was the same, but what about me? Everything those people I’ve met have told me has been reverberating within me in some way, and this has been creating a kind of disharmony. Creating it or merely making it perceptible? I still don’t have the answer. Today a new light was cast.
Sixth Encounter
I continued walking east with renewed spirits. My steps felt steadier. I came across an animal I hadn’t seen before: a wolf. It was very large, and it seemed calm in its gait. At one point it looked at me with deep eyes, but soon turned its back and continued on its way.
Behind me I hear a piercing whistle. The wolf perks up its ears, looks in my direction, and sits down. When I turn around, I see a young man wearing a cap and a long blue overcoat.
“Finally, I found him. This beast doesn’t stop running off. Come, Zeus.”
The wolf came running to the young man with its tongue out and tail wagging, like a big, goofy dog. The wolf jumped on him, knocking him over. He got up laughing and began to pet the animal’s head and back.
“Hello, traveler. I hope Zeus didn’t bother you. My name is Job. You need no introduction, but tell me — where are you going?”
“I’m not sure…”
“No one is. But we can hope, can’t we? What do you hope to find?”
“Answers.”
“You just have to look for them where they are. They’re usually where we least expect. You are stuck here because you cannot see what is right under your nose. The answer is, like so many things in life, very simple, though very difficult. Once understood, we can no longer turn our backs on it without guilt, for it is in the nature of Truth to impose itself upon us.”
“But doesn’t that take away our freedom?”
“Not at all. This is freedom itself. Or do you believe you are free at this moment?”
“I don’t believe so.”
“Then you understand part of the problem. Freedom is not in the number of alternatives we have, but in the ability to choose the right alternative. But only he who knows the right alternative can choose it, and each one is obliged to carry alone the weight and responsibility of finding it and choosing it.” – he said with a calm smile on his face, as if he were stating some ordinary platitude.
“And how do I know which is the right alternative?”
“Ah… That… Well, that is the other part of the problem.”
And as he spoke, he climbed onto the wolf.
“Good luck, traveler.”
He rode the animal off into the distance, waving and laughing joyfully.
I kept walking until I reached the place I am now. I stopped to rest and make my notes. The desert is silent, and it seems there aren’t even other animals nearby. The night is colder than usual.
Sixth day. No date.
Last Log
“γνῶθι σαυτόν”
This is my final entry. Here I will recount my last encounter and my last day as a wanderer in this desert. Everything that happened was nothing but a shadow of what must be — of what will begin to be from now on. I find myself standing before a majestic castle. Its gates await me, and soon they will be open. All it takes is for me to do what I should have done from the beginning — to be who I should have been.
Last Encounter
After walking almost the entire day, I noticed something strange. The sun seemed to have stopped in the sky. At first I thought it might be my imagination, or that I’d lost my sense of time, but after a few more hours of walking I realized it no longer moved. It was like an eternal dusk. I walked and walked, and the sun stayed there, as if it were following me.
I walked, stopped to rest, dozed off, and the afternoon never ended. I walked for what felt like days, and even after my water ran out, thirst didn’t seem capable of killing me. It felt impossible for the day to end.
Something began to appear on the horizon. It looked like some kind of building. I had no choice but to keep walking toward it.
During those hours (days?) many thoughts passed through my mind. Everything I had lived in this desert seemed interconnected, yet at the same time disjointed. Perhaps a few pieces were still missing. I thought about how the distressed woman had pointed me in a direction without giving any explanations; about the colorful figure who didn’t seem to make any sense; about the young woman at
the oasis who seemed to want to please me but only harmed me; about the weary king; about the monster in the ruins that thirsted for blood; and about the young man with the wolf. Each one seemed to form a link with the others. Something in me insisted on that, even though I couldn’t see it clearly.
When I finally approached the building, I saw that it was the castle before which I now stand as I write this entry. In front of its gates stood a man. An old man. He had a large nose and a deeply wrinkled face. A long gray beard hung from his chin. He wore a black tunic and hood.
“Hello, my young one. I have been waiting for you,” – he said in a hoarse voice. “Who are you?”
“That is not the question you truly wish to ask.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Think. Hide no longer.”
I hesitated for a few moments. With a slightly trembling voice, I dared to ask: “Who am I?”
“That is the question. Now you may begin your true journey. This castle belongs to the King, but he is not here. Only his Creator is inside, awaiting the King. Only the King can open the gates. Are you beginning to understand now who you must become? When you are ready, turn back and fulfill your duty.”
That was it. That was the missing piece that made everything fall into place. All those who are lost here in this desert, wandering aimlessly, are waiting for me. They are waiting for me to reign over them. For me to be the King.
The sun has begun moving again and is slowly setting. At dawn I will be someone else. I already am someone else.
Seventh day. No date.
Written by Thales Rodrigues Gauze.